Let’s have a lunch and learn!
I can’t read this shit on the weekend you guys are killing me :p
not really corporate, but (as far as i know) it was brought into existence due to corporations: “unalive”
“We’re family”
Unrelated but I only recently realised that when someone says they believe in family values it means they want to impose their definition of “family” on everyone else.
From an employer I guess when they refer to family they’re really referring to a bond beyond work, which basically means they’re expecting more from you than you’re paid for?
I’ve found from employers it tends to mean “we should be valued and given time at least on par, but we’ll push for more, than your actual family. Work will call you at any time of day or night and you should be ready to drop everything and get in on no notice.”
#1 toxic workplace red flag
I fell for this once. Thought it sounded great. Everyone at that place hated each other, constantly spread rumors and sabotaged each other’s work.
War room
You’re a Karen and you’re going to talk to Pete from accounting about what gift to buy for Sally’s birthday
You can’t fight here, this is the war room
Lessons learned
I don’t mind lunch and learns. I get overtime for that, AND they buy me lunch. I’m either stuck near the office for an unproductive hour I don’t get paid for, or at my desk working on the same shit I was earlier for an extra hour.
But all the bullshit buzzwords attempting to paint employees standing up for themselves as bad things are obnoxious as hell: quiet quitting and the like
Yeah… bring your own sack lunch and it’s “voluntary”, so no OT. That the lunch and learn I’m familiar with anyway.
That’s them half assing it, not a knock on the actual thing.
People saying something needs to be flushed out when they really want it fleshed out.
Lmao!
I’d ask if they want me to get rid of it.
I also have a colleague who refers to Apple computers as MAC, and has at least once asked for MAC addresses of some devices when what she meant was IP addresses last associated with the devices.
I suppose it could be used in the sense of a dog flushing out game for the hunters - to make something hidden visible so it can be dealt with.
- bandwidth
- massage
- ping
What do you have against massages? I find them relaxing.
I don’t remember what it was exactly but someone said something along the lines of “we’ll need to massage it a bit as we roll it out” regarding a new system being implemented.
Oh god I’ve heard that one many times before as well. It’s like adult baby talk
I used to have a coworker who would also say things like “I’ll ping you after the meeting” and I’d chuckle because it sounded so stupid.
One day he asked me why I was smirking and I lied and told him “You know what ‘pinging’ means, right? It’s the act of putting a metal rod in your urethra and tapping it with a tuning fork.”
He NEVER said it again.
I always think of the
pingcommand line utility because I haven’t really used the word outside that context ever.He NEVER said [ping] again.
Alright, I’ll peg you instead!
- Alignment
- Scalable
- Circle back
If you use these regularly I KNOW the meeting you just booked me into should have been an email.
Touch base too
FUCK touching base that one’s the worst.
Huh why scalable? I feel like that applies to a lot of things, not just the corporate world.
I can’t remember last time I heard someone use it in a normal conversation, but in the corporate world I find it gets incredibly overused.
It’s fine is used properly, but management tends to use it to mean “magically gooder.”
I guess it doesn’t bug me so much because it’s not so cringe and actually clearly communicates the point. We do in-house video editing at the company I work at, and when we talk about scaling we’re talking about making sure our processes hold when we add more and more people and increase our volume. It’s a growing company so I have to constantly talk about anticipating and buying things to make sure we don’t run into a wall with our growth.
I guess this is less pushing back and more asking what word you would rather see?
I always hated “circle back” but I did get into using it ironically for a while.
“let’s just put a pin in that, and circle back to it later”
I wouldn’t actually mind “circle back” if it wasn’t just used as cover to kick the can down the road.
For me the guy who always said it was a former boss and he was good at actually circling back, but sometimes it felt more like “fuck that for now.”
Every meeting should be a fucking email.
I spend more time in meetings talking about the work I’m going to do, than doing the actual fucking work.
I’m not in many meetings but when I am, I oversell and overpromise then immediately forget everything we discussed.
Just send a fucking email.
Bro I have my first “big company” job after working smaller places for over a decade. This feels so real. I’m dying.
Synergy
Mostly because I have never heard it used correctly in the context of a copprate speech/talk.
Does it mean the same thing in corporate as in balatro
I don’t play Balatro but from what I know about it, the game probably uses it correctly, unless it has nothing to do with, like, playing two cards that work better when used together.
In corpo speak. I’ve seen it used as a synonym for “energy.” Like after the crowd quiets down, “Wow! The synergy in the air tonight is electric!” makes me cringe so hard.
In corpo speak. I’ve seen it used as a synonym for “energy.”
Wow that’s bad. You have my pity
Growth.
Mitigation
“Tribal knowledge.”
- image: We, clan. Together, strong.
- reality: Ask Tommy if he remembers how to reset the printer
Though, I actually like this one. It’s a pretty cool phrase you can use anywhere.
This is normally called “institutional knowledge” which is definitely a real thing, I don’t think it’s a marketing or HR buzzword. Though, a lot of the time it somewhat trivial things those things do add up. Institutional knowledge around things like how to deal with a finicky piece of specialized hardware, or what are the right words to convince your bosses boss to pay for you to go to a conference are pretty helpful. If you have an older “individual contributor” in your company that has been there for a while and hasn’t climbed the ladder, they might be a gold mine for that kinda info (they could also just be an ass)
I call this one oral tradition, it always gets a chuckle
wow I was not expecting to find something worthwhile in here but I will definitely be using that lol
My current bugbear is “guesswork,” although in my case this is in the context of the marketing bumf that my vendors and manufacturers slather their products in.
Apparently in the corporate world, the only purpose of guesswork is to “take it out of” things. Take the guesswork out of this, take the guesswork out of that. It seems at this point you are guaranteed that any time “guesswork” appears in a sentence it’s going to be preceeded or followed by it being taken out of something, as surely as U always follows Q.
Once you notice the pattern (it doesn’t take you long if you’re sitting in my seat) the lack of originality becomes deeply irritating.
Ya why don’t they just ask for a better plan, or say some part doesn’t make sense to them. “Taking the guesswork out” to me means “I’m not convinced, go do more homework and explain this better”… Why can’t people just say that.
Bio break.
I don’t think I have to elaborate on that one.
I don’t use that, I usually just say I’m going to go grab some water but it’s better than saying “brb ima go take a wicked piss”. That being said, I’d respect the hell out of anyone who said that
I work at a school and that one gets used sometimes. A lady that helps us develop programming said it quite often and my colleagues picked it up, I don’t use it myself.
This is a gamer term. I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
My friend manages a team of engineers and TAMs for massive companies that do stuff like make airplanes and manage phone networks and you know the names. They specifically produce a toolsuite and rent out pro-serv nerds to go to mammoth DCs and show people where they fucked up their cabling and double the throughput. Like, SO nerdy.
‘bio break’ is used a few times a day.
- Its unprofessional.
- Its gross. Saying something thats basically “gonna go take a dump” is unnecessary. Personally I don’t give two shits, but not everyone is as easygoing as me. Best to keep a professional hat on at work.
I did use it at work once and a single “Dude TMI” was all it took for me to stop. Online playing an MMO as a group is casual and often used as a trigger for a group break.
At work I just say “going to step away for a bit” and that’s all that’s needed.
Def all over the business world. It’s more polite than saying “okay, let’s have a 5 minute break from this meeting so everyone can piss and get some more coffee”
Lucky you, it’s all over my company.
Yeah, hate this. To everyone saying it’s not corporate: or certainly is. I did B2B work for around a hundred corps through the one I worked at and I heard it at probably 70% of them.
It’s just the company trying to control literally every part of your life. Like who gives a shit what I do on my break? That, and you can’t get an “extra” break later saying you have to pee.
Bio break.
My friend uses that all the time.
It means a pee break, a tea break, sometimes a ‘walk rover’ break. When meetings cross that 44-min mark, it’s break time.
I heard teachers use that term. 🤷♂️
fuck. i hate this one the most.
just say “break.” let everyone else decide for themselves if it needs to be biological in nature.
I like it because it’s so vague.
A nap is pretty biological! And nobody will ask why your bio break was an hour long.
Thats not so much a corpo thing as a gamer thing IMO.
“AFK, Bio break” is much quicker to type.
Quicker than “brb, bathroom”?
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I never heard a gamer use “bio break” lol
Uh. It’s been used for YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARS in MMOs.
Makes sense! I haven’t played a real-time MMO since RuneScape was new! Haha
^ usually just “brb bio” or “afk bio”, or just “bio”.
Its seriously old, like, “woot” or “LFG” levels of old.
Maybe it’s an American thing, because give never heard it used on European servers
I like “piss” and my char just stops moving
“AFK, Bio
This is all you needed to type. Kids are too lazy to type the rest.
Huh. I literally only know this from the context of mmo games.
TIL where that is from
