I’m struggling to figure out how to make friends without having Instagram or any other social media. I have discord but don’t use it much. I see all my acquaintances in discord channels and sharing Instagram posts and stuff. It’s already hard for me to make friends, but I feel like not having any of the traditional social media means I’m not included in any of that stuff.
Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?
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I’m a firm believer in friends through building solidarity. I helped organize a union at my workplace, and became a steward. Being united in struggle has brought me closer to the people around me. If you’re too nervous for that, volunteer for a local cause you care about. If there aren’t any, start organizing your community.
I think it’s just so overwhelming to start from nothing with new people. I have essentially one person in my life who I’ve spent almost 2 decades with. I’ve always had trouble with balance. I have a few acquaintances, but I recently realized I need to have a closer relationship with more than 1 person.
Linux users groups Maker spaces Artisian guilds (metal working, wood working, etc) Clubs Volunteer with places Get involved in local politics Work a career and network with people
Etc
Social media honestly is very lack luster in mak8ng deeper friendships to me
You don’t. For what I’ve seen is something people are born with it, the perk to make friends in every situation… my younger brother have dozens of friends, actual friends, I have 0. I just live with it.
That’s how I’ve always felt. I’ve always been the friend of those people. I’ve only ever made 1 actual, deep connection with a person. And it’s deeeeep. And I couldn’t tell you how it happened. But I partly feel like I’m losing that, and I won’t ever be able to get it back, or replicate it with someone else.
Go to a pub, get drunk.
I started a business that involves going into stranger’s homes. Most of my new friends are old ladies.
Would you like to share what the business is?
I’m home improvement contractor aka. “handyman”
I use a 3D game like territory for it. Oh, the name of this is real life.
just dont.
But I’m really lonely and I think I need friends.
I find that in times of my life when I felt lonely, there were usually other issues that led to that feeling beyond the actual lack of people.
Sometimes, the answer isn’t to seek out friends but to try to figure out how to become a person that people would want to be friends with. Part of that is putting yourself out there, but that will be more successful if it comes from a place of self improvement.
You aren’t the only one feeling that way, just put yourself in a position to meet others. Start going to meetups of things that interest you, or, at the very least, engage with others on things that interest them and you’ll usually find common ground eventually. It can feel difficult and awkward, but everybody struggles with that when they first start to put themselves out there. Just persevere, you’ll find people.
You don’t. People need fulfillment, not human interaction. Find something you are passionate about and pour your time and effort into it. Buy a classic car and restore it. Learn how to make your own furniture. Start learning photography. Write a book. Develop a program or app. Start a fitness routine. Brew your own beer. Learn a foreign language. The list is endless.
What matters is doing something that brings you satisfaction. A hobby that involves creating something or improving yourself is so much better than wasting time with other people. Spend a day hanging out with friends, and what do you have at the end of the day? Nothing. Spend a day planting a garden, and what do you have at the end of the day? You have a nice garden.
I kind of disagree. I have some hobbies and I’ve done some of those things, but what matters to me is the human connection. So at the end of the day you have your herb garden, who cares? It’s just going to die eventually, or you’ll eat it, and it regrows. An endless cycle of no one giving a shit.
But having someone to connect with and share an experience with, that’s what matters to me.
What is human connection, though? It’s your brain releasing dopamine because you spent time with another person. It matters to you because it makes you feel good. Other things can make you feel good, too. The difference is that hobbies and activities won’t let you down. They won’t stop being your hobby because they’d rather spend time with someone else. People are unreliable and ultimately selfish at heart.
Say you make a friend. 60 years from now, you and your friend are both dead, and what’s left behind? Nothing. I’m not old, but I’m certainly not young either. It took me a while to realize that other people just don’t matter. In the end, nothing matters at all; everything you and I do is ultimately going to fade into irrelevance when we’re dead. Might as well make the most of the time we have alive, then; do something that makes you happy. Don’t rely on another selfish human being for your happiness.
Ride a bike. Touch grass. You’ll meet someone eventually…
You need to make an effort to put yourself in places where you can meet people. Often this takes the form of finding a community with a common interest. This could be a hobby, a lecture, a course, book club, gardening, etc.
Other places where you meet people can be a workplace, a volunteering effort, social gatherings like listening to a band, orchestra or a play.
You can go to the local coffee shop and spend time there watching people. If you do this regularly, you’re likely to meet people whom you can talk to and interact with.
If you already know people, acquaintances, then organise or participate in activities with them.
Social media is an add-on to life, not life itself.
The way to make friends is essentially finding ways to interact with other humans, preferably in places where you like to enjoy yourself.
Nope. That’s why I have about 8 really good friends and that’s it.
Unfortunately I don’t know how to help you. I met my friends in secondary school and we have been friends since then.
You’re saying that as if 8 was a small number…
Go to the bar every weekend.
If you find yourself getting too drunk a little coke will straighten you right now.
Who snorts coke anymore? We snort asbestos laced dried sloth feces these days.
I like to kick it old school.
How do you make friends with social media?
sounds genuinely creepy.
Which is why I’ve made zero friends on social media.
fellas is it creepy to have internet friends
sometimes!
I think it’s more just that it’s a low stakes way to “hang out” and chat without any commitment or pressure. At least that’s how I see the value
Do you mean meeting people? Or feeling like you’re supposed to share things on social media as part of a friend group or else you’re left out of things?
If you mean where to meet people, go anywhere a few times and you’ll start to see the same people - like a dog park or walking trails; take a class or join an activity you like through your local parks and rec- i was just looking for a beginning welding class; in my area there’s a sports and social club that does bowling leagues, beer pong tournaments, kickball games, etc. and several local game shops do board game nights.
I mean becoming more than acquaintances. And especially just having people to talk to at random times without pressure of 1 on 1 texting or phone calls. Like just sharing stupid memes and being able to asynchronous chat and get to know people.
I guess what I want is to get close with people and not just be acquaintances. Especially at night
It’s a process. Are there any acquaintances that you’re interested in befriending? Someone that shares your interests enough that you could invite them to something? I’ve become friendlier with a couple of co-workers by asking about restaurants in their neighborhood, which led to them saying, “let me know when you go and I’ll meet you there.”
I’m the mean time, you can share dumb stuff here and we will laugh with you.
OP how old are you?
And I mean age range. Not exact age.
Based on their other comment, I’d guess mid 30s.
Volunteer. You’ll meet the best people.
That isn’t true at all. Plenty of volunteers are shitty people.
A group I was recently with just had a huge scandal because someone who joined had a sexual offender records and we were working with kids… he basically fucked everyone over and the entire org had to stop operations for months until every member clear background checks.
All the best people volunteer. I stand by this. Sorry you had an experience with a shitty person also volunteering. Part of non-profit management is dealing with shitty volunteers.
What if you don’t want to help people?
Volunteer with pets!
Help animals then…
The first thing I think of when I hear volunteer is soup kitchen, and after a quick check it turn out my local one doesn’t need any more people at this time. What are some other places one can volunteer, that might not be so obvious?
Maybe a local advocacy group, one that aligns with your interests and values?
