People being mean or cruel to other people or living things just to see them suffer. I don’t understand it.
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When you discover a bump somewhere on your skin and the very first reaction is to scratch and dig whatever may be there, out.
When I was a child if my mom saw a pimple on me she would dig it out. I now have to fight the compulsion to dig and pick at any lump I come across. I find a small circle bandaid covering the area helps me leave it alone until it goes away on its own.
There’s some messed up dopamine response going on there, both for self-picking and especially for others’ picking! I’ve often thought about how some people have that compulsion to pop, others want to pop out of a sense of sick satisfaction, compulsion by extension to another person, or out of a misguided sense you’re doing something good. Pops not good
It’s more of a defense mechanism that’s no longer needed. She would get right in there with her nails trying to pop it which was quite painful. After some time if she wasn’t able to get it she would tell me to go to the bathroom and get it out myself, so I learned to get rid of them on my own if I found them so I wouldn’t have to endure her nails in my face.
There is briefly a satisfying release of pressure when it pops, but there is still a lump there so my compulsion keeps trying to pick and squeeze at the lump trying to make it go away. I either keep trying to stop myself, or make it “inaccessible” by putting a band-aid on it.
The need some people have to be part of a group.
I’ve been “alone” for such a long time that it probably affects how I see things like this, but I just don’t get the need some people have. I’m thinking from things like worshipping a politician just to be part of a group to more simple things like needing to insert yourself into a group at work just to be “one of the guys.” I’ve always just done my own thing and never considered myself part of anything, whether friend groups, work “cliques,” or whatever. If it was “Tim, Tom, and Tina” I could be friends with all of them, but I never felt like I needed to be, or even ever was part of “their” group. I just come and go as the situation arises.
Some things like politics I obviously fall into one category or another based on my beliefs, but I don’t conform or alter my beliefs just to maintain a position within that group.
People out here stating obvious human problems and I’m out here like: why do humans like Chocolate?
There’s a lot of human behavior I don’t understand. Used to make me feel like an alien as a kid.
Like the super unhealthy parasocial relationships people think they have with famous people, and more appalling is the way the media feeds right into it. People acting like it’s normal to obsess over details about celebrities personal lives is very weird to me.
I don’t understand cheating… just break up and then you can fuck who you want. Why does deceiving someone and breaking their trust have to be a part of it? Why is that necessary?
I don’t understand how you can be the richest elongated muskrat in the world, so rich you just doubled your wealth, and not do anything to help people who need it. I don’t know how he can live with himself. And what I really don’t get is that he clearly wants the world to see him as some sort of important amazing brilliant person. So why not do the thing. DO THE THING AND HELP YOU SELFISH FUCK
Don’t even get me started with bigotry. It just does not make sense. Why does someone’s skin pigment effect people so drastically? Why does the gender or sexual orientation of strangers matter? People need to focus on themselves and mind their business. If someone would like to make minding your business the new fad of 2025 I’m here for it.
I think we truly are “alien” souls, being brought into this world for the first time. I can empathize with the people who allow themselves to be wrapped up in our modern society but I always wonder, when will we realize that our way of life is absolutely miserable and we need to change our society ASAP if we want to survive through the next 50-100 years.
Top shelf response. I’d happily have a drink at a bar or Cafe with you, and chew the fat.
Wow thanks friend, that’s really nice to hear. I’d be up for it
Can I join?
Hell yeah you can, anyone whose up for noncombative conversation is welcome to hang out with me
Excellent, I’ll buy us all a round if you find us a booth 😊
Good vibes and deep meaningful conversations.
Devil’s advocate/explainer here:
Parasocial relationships are real, just one-direcrional, and can lead to really unhealthy tendencies, but don’t have to.
Cheating isn’t cute, but can be hot. Hear me out. If cumming became entirely illegal, disallowed, and frowned upon, you can bet your bottom dollar at least ~40% of people would do it more often, just because taboo is the (often fun) flipside of social norms. And social norms suck ass, in a not fun way.
And mega-wealth isn’t a money thing. The pieces of shit get off on power over other people, and use it to generate, or further misery. There isn’t much they seem to care about outside of that.
I’m not about to make a case for bigots though… Fuck that shit lmao.
There are so many heinous people do because of their primal sexual drives that everything just seems so bizarre to me. I have never had the ability to experience such desires that are supposed to be instincts that everyone does. So it’s really odd as an outsider to see what sex does to people.
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Causes them to cheat on others. Why? Why harm people instead of breaking up like you said.
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Causes them to r**e others. Why? Why can’t you just masturbate? Why do you have to harm others to get this?
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Causes them to murder others out of jealousy. Why?
As an alien, I only see the downsides to sex. It’s honestly saddening how common these are.
2 and 3 are violent crimes, and horrid. 1 tho? Really? How about if it’s (hypothetically) cheating on 1 person, whom has cheated multiple times, and lied reptitively about it, to keep doing so? And what if, again very hypotheically, the person who retaliated by cheating did so with say… more than one person, at the same time?
Edgecases are are to be considered with these things, even when definitely not real life, personal experience. 😶
There is always nuance in everything. Didn’t mean to imply that there wasn’t. Actually, my mom was a cheater. But she cheated on her abusive husband that she was afraid to leave. So I didn’t consider it to be immoral. In fact, I was amused when I found out.
In a majority of cheating cases, that’s not how it all plays out. So a majority of times cheating is incredibly immoral and hurtful to the other person. Occasionally it isn’t, but that isn’t the majority of cases.
I definitely agree, dingus. Most cases tend to be kind of sad, and pretty self-centered. Escaping an abusive relationship almost always complicated, and I’m glad for anyone who gets out of them.
Also, I know someone with a cheating proclivity… The dude is loyal and committed, but enjoys the experience, which is unfortunate for all parties involved, really. At least he knows how to avoid the allure, and is happily with someone he loves.
Stonger than I am, because if a person told me to give up almost anything I find enjoyable, I’d tell them to find someone else, no matter the type of relationship. Hedonism is only a treadmill when the payoff decreases, which means one is probably bad at hedonic pursuit.
Your last paragraph reads rather odd to me. Poly relationships exist but involve mutual consent. That’s the reason why cheating in many cases is not at all ok. Because the other party doesn’t consent to it and it’s done in secrecy and deep violation of the person’s trust. It’s ok to have multiple partners or have sex with other people. You can too if you want to! But everyone involved has to agree with that kind of a setup for a relationship. Hiding it and hurting the other person is almost always immoral and wrong, even if it “feels good” to you. There are ways that all parties can consent to make your “feeling good” not hurting or taking advantage of others.
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I don’t know how he can live with himself.
There’s a thing our brains do when we have power like wealth, status, fame, etc. - the parts responsible for empathy are suppressed. The rich and powerful are neurologically less capable of considering the suffering of others.
Oh I’m aware, I meant the ‘I don’t know how’ more like the very idea of being ok with that is incomprehensible to me
I haven’t ever cheated but I’m an armchair human development nerd and I’d assume that there are some things at play like:
- Social narratives that make it seem like there’s only one true love out there for you (assuming the cheating here is only physical and not love).
- There can be shame in divorce or breaking up.
- There’s the sunk cost fallacy of staying with someone because you’ve put so many years into the relationship.
- If there are kids, people can believe (whether it’s true or not) that it’s harmful to the kids to separate
- People compartmentalize and can develop really weird cognitive dissonance where they build two realities and can operate as if the two have nothing to do with each other. It’s hard to explain.
- All the other collateral with separating, like potentially moving, new financials and potential child support/alimony, custody challenges, health insurance through marriage, job shifts, etc. etc.
Before you angrily hit reply, dear reader, I’m not defending or condoning cheating. I’m just trying to answer the sociological question of why it’s a behavior that happens enough that we’re talking about it in this thread.
I don’t understand cheating either, but I come at it from the perspective of a queer polyamorous person. I think many people are capable of loving more than one person, but society tells us monogamy is the only ethical/viable way. My partners are totally fine with me sleeping with other people, and that’s because we have clear and open communication and trust. Why cheat when you can be poly or open?
I don’t understand why relationships are portrayed as such a burden in media. Why do people who don’t trust one another even get into relationships? Why do so many couples seem to hate eachother? Why do so many romance books have such a creepy power imbalance, do people want that? It’s all so confusing, and I’m glad I’m not apart of it.
Not technically a behavior, but - having hurt feelings over other people expressing their negative opinion about myself.
Like, say someone tells me I look bad of that I acted badly or whatever. I see three options:
- They’re right, so it’s a good thing they told me.
- They’re mistaken, so it doesn’t really matter (though the fact some people might think that way is still valid information)
- They’re being mean, in which case I don’t really care about what they say.
I guess it’s some defense mechanism? I can see how that would work with people prone to narcissism, but having ones feeling hurt over things like that seems normalized in (most?) societies.
Oh, also religion. People believe in an all powerful being that personally cares about every person in the world, but is unwilling to reveal itself? Despite having zero corroborating evidence? And he’s responsible for every good thing that happens to me therefore I should see that as proof it exists and believe more, but if something bad happens that’s because I didn’t believe hard enough and should therefore believe more? And you’re sure about that and don’t see how that might be purely because this answers a psychological and social need? I understand I’m exaggerating a bit, and no offense to religious people, but… I don’t get it.
I see where you’re coming from and understand why some don’t get it, but it’s the third one. People are very mean, including me, and especially when they are anonymous or feel they’ll get away with it.
The first two - they’re giving constructive criticism, or they’re plain wrong - assume the person is not coming from a mean place. I wonder if you’re neurodiverse or a very experienced meditator or something if you can really always shrug off a nasty remark intended to hurt.
I’m neurodiverse and took a lot of throwaway hurtful comments to heart as a kid, not because I couldn’t tell they were trying to he hurtful, but because I believed there had to be some truth or insight into what they said. When I developed more self-respect I got fewer such remarks when I appeared visibly furious, or gave the same back in return. But I still take hurtful remarks - intentional or not - to heart by nature.
Point being, not everyone has as thick as skin as you, and hurtful remarks do indeed hurt many/most people no matter how much we talk about the relative damaged done by sticks and stones vs names. Hurtful intentions can convey hurt to most generally empathetic people I think. Appreciate any other views as I’m just trying to address this one as I see it. Peace
It’s not just the third one. A non-marginal minority of people will be hurt by valid criticism even if it meant to to help them (I’m saying this as a third party observer. This isn’t me telling someone “Hey, you’re an idiot. Whoa, why are you acting offended? I’m just trying to help you be less of an idiot! Wow, some people can’t take constructive criticism”).
I know I’m at the low end of caring what people think about me, and that other people will get offended by some things. That’s fine, not saying they’re wrong to feel one way or another. I just can’t empathize or model the mechanism that makes them feel that way.
That’s true, I was oversimplifying by focusing on the third but the same applies whether remarks are intended to hurt, be neutral, or explicitly to help - point is people often assume it’s the first or respond as if it is. Some people can shrug it off but I can’t.
Points 2 and 3 are all well and good right up until that person is in a position of power over you.
Thinking that things they don’t enjoy should not be enjoyed by anyone else, and complaining bitterly about people enjoying those things.
Yeah similarly, when a pastime or hobby is shared among a large group in society or culturally or whatever, someone who doesn’t enjoy or partake in said hobby is seen as weird (or worse).
Case in point: I’m a dude who looks like I should watch sports. I hate sports spectating. Having the “why don’t you watch football” conversation comes up annoyingly too often.
lol I hear you. I never ask anybody, “Why don’t you have a 3d printer?”
Honestly I’m bringing that energy to the discussion next time.
Hmmm I think I will go with “fandom”, or being a fan of something. Like, I enjoy concepts. But there’s no universe or product or franchise or sports team or whatever in particular I would consider myself a fan of.
edit hope this counts as behavior lol
I mean fandom can be general. the world science fiction society or whatever its called is basically at its core about written science fiction and not about one in particular and comic con is about any comic and gen con is about any gaming and anime cons are about anime. I get ya though. I mean I went to these things and when I was there I was like. This is my people. All the same though I always felt like sorta the biggest hanger on. I loved all the stuff but I like was no good with dressing up or whatnot. I mostly like to look around, go to interesting panels, and then spent all the rest of the time in movie or game rooms or con suite.
I never got plastering logos for whatever brands you love to consume on everything you own. Like buying decals and stickers and shit to put all over your car, laptop, whatever else. Since when do we pay to advertise for brands…?
u better BELIEVE i have a bad dragon sticker on my phone
Being a fan can make you part of a group. Especially great for people without identity. Slap a sticker on that empty personality!
People who stay with abusive partners the first time they are abused
A type, true believer office people.
It’s all laid out, you have at most 100 years and 50ish healthy ones if you’re extremely lucky, and you want to spend more energy then you absolutely have to… micromanaging others and bragging about maximizing your office work output as you eek out a living?
I genuinely find the coworkers that try to drown themselves in corpo kool-aid disturbing. Soulless. I find them as sad and pathetic as they probably find me for my half hearted, clearly mocking impression of corpo culture, as I don’t show my true self at work.
Like just… Why? It’s a job. The owner truly doesn’t care if you live or die. Stop bragging that you canceled on your family yet again in favor of your "work family."🤮 They think they’re setting an example for their coworkers to follow, but I’m just sitting there pitying them.
Couldn’t agree more (current boss is one such preoccupant) except it’s spelled eke in this case, eek is for the onomatopoeic noise when frightened.
I’m going to be the ‘tenth dentist’ here and say eating spicy food.
I understand that eventually people build a tolerance so it hurts less but I can’t comprehend being willing to even reach that point, especially since it’s still not completely pain free I have been told.
Those I’ve asked say it’s a really good flavor, but to me that sounds like being willing to eat a handful of broken glass (assuming no long term damage) as long as it tastes good. There are other foods that taste good and don’t hurt, not even slightly.
Plus spicy isn’t even a flavour. It’s the sensation of heat receptor nerves being chemically stimulated.
I fully agree, to me it doesn’t add any flavor at all and even overwhelms other flavors the food would have.
But it’s kinda funny that the comment my client currently shows directly below yours says “The pain itself is a flavour!”
It doesn’t hurt if you don’t go too hard though, in my experience. To me at least hurting and burning sensation from spicy food are not the same.
Especially in Mexican cuisine chilis have each their own flavour and it’s this distinction that I enjoy. But I don’t go crazy on eating sole habaneros for example.
Sounds like you have built up a decent tolerance already.
I see where you’re coming from, but you have to consider - THAT is how good it tastes, that people are willing to eat it even though it hurts. Other foods taste good, but I wouldn’t eat them if they hurt me (if my teeth are sensitive, I’m happy to avoid ice cream even though I love it). But if I overdo chilli, my mouth can be on fire and the hardest part to deal with is not the pain, but the tension between waiting a minute for it to calm down or eating more immediately even though it’ll make the pain worse.
Spicy food is so good people will put themselves through hell to eat it. Repeatedly.
Huh. Yeah, still can’t imagine a flavor that good.
And even very mild spicy food strikes me as less flavorful than without the capsaicin, mostly because of the (even slight) pain taking my attention from the food itself.
I used to love spicy food. I’d frequently deliberately seek out the spiciest foods possible. Now I prefer actual flavour.
If your spicy food has no flavour other than heat then that is a chef problem. Thai food has incredible levels of flavour. And is also very spicy.
Nah, my focus of interest has just shifted.
IIRC it produces endorphins, though for a significant amount of folks not well enough that they’ll subject themselves to it.
That part doesn’t make sense to me either - people don’t generally intentionally stub a toe or bite their tongue or whatever, but those activities would release endorphins also.
Exercising is about as close as I can think of that people regularly do and releases endorphins, but it of course has direct benefits and not doing it has drawbacks, and it should not really hurt that much to begin with.
Getting a tattoo would also, but I assume most people do that for the result and not the experience.
It’s funny you mention tattoos - my favourite part was the huge endorphin rush it produced. I’d wager the whole tattoo ‘addiction’ thing tattoo artists and the heavily inked are familiar with is usually endorphin based, with aesthetics serving as justification.
You’re right about stubbing a toe or biting your tongue, but there are other activities people engage in that involve a direct seeking out of pain (Drag’s in this thread talking about an unfortunate one, then there’s stuff like certain activities in BDSM play [which, a surprising amount of the time, isn’t always a precursor to sex], etc.). With enjoying really, really spicy stuff, there’s the stimuli [pain], the endorphin release, and the justification and side effects that may bolster justification (‘flavour’ even in cases where little is actually detectable beyond ‘mouth hot’; satiation after getting food in you, etc.).
I’m just some random guy speculating (I’m sure there’s studies somewhere, though tricky to do direct research ethically), but I imagine it goes something like this for a lot of folks in a lot of contexts:
Stimuli -> Pain -> Dopamine release. If dopamine response is greater than pain response, is a good thing (then justified with reference to specific stimuli and context of stimuli). If pain response is greater than dopamine response, is a bad thing.
…reading it back I think specific type of stimuli, context, and the subject’s predilections are very relevant to this calculation, but not a psychologist or neurologist, so idk.
I like this theory, I wonder if liking spicy food is often correlated with enjoying activities like BDSM and tattoos and such.
I could just have roughly no response to endorphins - I know pain killers such as oxycodone do basically nothing for me (to the point that I don’t bother taking them when prescribed)
That would kinda explain a few things now that I think about it… Very interesting.
It’s a (mostly) healthy way to engage in self harming behaviours
For me, eating spicy food calms me down. I suffer from anxiety and eating spicy food allows me to exist only in the here and now. I am of course not saying that everyone who eat spicy food is anxious, it is only my personal preference.
Normalise self harming with chili powder /s
That almost makes sense to me, the same way something like slapping one’s own face might.
Are you allergic or something? It’s not that it hurts, it’s just heat
The pain itself is a flavour! Different spices hurt in different ways, and if you can build up a tolerance, it can be a delicious flavour!
Statements like that make me feel like an alien who just landed here: I believe you, but it’s so totally outside my experience that I genuinely can’t make sense of it.
I am a masochist
I’m actually curious if you mean that literally - in another thread we came up with a theory that enjoying stuff like BDSM, etc and enjoying spicy food could actually be linked by how sensitive someone is to endorphins.
I’m likely not at all sensitive to them, so for me pain just doesn’t lead to pleasure (besides trivial things like scratching an itch)I do enjoy the feeling of pain but it’s not particularly sexual tbh, if I had to compare it to something else I’d say it’s a sort of sensory seeking thing? Idk
Dancing.
I’m biased because I’m rythmically deficient, but it makes no sense to me. It’s just weird wiggling.
Worse still is clubbing, which is just dancing in a hot, sweaty dark room where the drinks are $13 each amd you don’t get to pick the music, or turn the volume down.
This might be the most boomer thing I’ve ever written.
People who treat their friends as more unconditional than ethics.
This product costs $14 to make, they sell it for $30.
They remove three screws and replace the beautiful $6 screen with a bottom of the barrel $3 screen saving $3.06. People would easily pay $5 more for the nicer screen, but they can only focus on cost cutting instead of making a still modestly priced great product.
