Source?

Why have the company do it, when we can make the people do it for us!

Green light rod wave, basically any or most of rod wave.

I agree especially on the last couple paragraphs. She has a tendency to not stick with things and has very low self discipline, accountability, and general drive to do anything. Maybe even esteem issues.

But I’m just hoping that what their trying to convey and share in a safe setting will change the course atleast to a more healthy dynamic because they both seem honestly beyond burned out. I see this as make or break them. Beyond that if she gets to a doctor and they can try to treat her mental health depression and anxiety I think that will play a big factor.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and add your perspective. This is why we decided to make the post and just see how people with different values and backgrounds might have different input.

I did a little research for my own understanding and there’s a lot to this. It’s very personal preference of sorts. While I don’t think I have autism personally, I hate visual noise, clutter, things need to be symmetrical and slight OCD. So I think there is learning for everyone can be had!

I believe the coping mechanisms can be improved. Just because something doesn’t directly apply doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from the advice. I do exactly what you described above constantly. Having to think about what and how to react for facial expressions and body language. That is tiring mentally analyzing all the time. Like being stuck in a certain mode.

I emplore everyone to do a little research into some of the aspects you pointed out above to explore those topics. Whether your autistic or not these principles and strategies could help nearly anyone to dial in there focus and mind.

I know. The response from fellow Lemminites has been pretty spectacular overall. Definitely helped to gain ideas and to gain a different perspective from the outside. I hope it works out for them. Time will tell. Thanks for participating!

Neither of us mentioned any autism or anything, that wasn’t for he nor I to discuss really. I’d leave that for the medical professionals. That being said she is willing to talk to her doctor about the anxiety and severe depression. I’m glad to see that they are going to take the week as individuals to really encompass their thoughts, feelings, kind of a tell all, no hold backs, no judgements type single written letter over the entire week then they planned to get together next weekend and read them to each other out loud and discuss in hopefully a sensible manner.

I think that’s a big win considering they were at each others throats when it came to talking about anything past casual banter. Basically they weren’t talking for weeks hardly at this point months even. It is really a good example of both sides understanding the serious nature and the time for clear concise communication to set a better path hopefully moving forward. He told her that this is make or break and not to instill stress but to show where he’s at ahead of the letters so both parties know the nature and that it’s not a gimmick.

They have done these discussions in the past. My only concern I’ve seen from them or heard rather is that she has a tendency to fall back into old patterns extremely easily and to not stick with the plan but he made a list several excercises and therapy sessions to try privately amongst themselves that promote trust, empathy, even going as far as positive reinforcements.

My only concern is the follow through and if they both don’t approach and commit then I see it best to simply part ways on good terms. Before the burned bridge aspect then things get dramatic and sometimes nasty. Nobody wants that.

I agree with the natural bias aspect and they are trying to work on it. I edited an update shortly ago on what they have come to today. He’s concerned im sure they both are about the burned bridge part as well. Let me know what you think of the update!

I agree 100 percent.

She has agreed to speak to her doctor about several mental health issues. I posted an update above from what I’ve learned today so far. I’ll keep them coming.

I’m unsure in the autism aspect but I guess my thought of autism is more of the severe type. This should be diagnosed and handled by a medical professional to truly know. What are some coping mechanisms that work in general perhaps to try? I know everyone is different she is artistic I do know that.

Not only are they going to read it but I am too. I’m ADHD and have been diagnosed years ago from multiple Drs of mine. They both have it as well but it manifests in different ways due to their natural personality differences. Thanks!

I totally agree with this overall statement. He’s very sharp and focused she’s very flowing sort of lazier, don’t care as much.

Fundamentally there’s differences but part of what I see or understand from him talking it out with me was that rather than having this type of structure that’s needed it’s almost as if she is defensive so he’s defensive and then it sort of kept going like this for a long long time and thus has escalated into deeper rifting issues. Structure is what’s needed

I’m going to show him this and some other replies and I really think this post was constructive and helpful. Due to the cultural and social dynamics of Lemmy some points have been brought up that we never considered. As enshittified as the internet/world has become and the fediverse isn’t perfect there’s some real genuine reactions like the old forum days.

I’m not even sure it was helping as much as it was riding her ass to get shit done. Like banking stuff or typical life things.

So they haven’t talked since yesterday basically she messaged him today but it was about an errand and be didn’t respond.

He thinks it’s best to fall silent and wait it out maybe for a week or a month I guess time is arbitrary. Basically until she comes back to him with something of substance and is at a place where they can talk it out. I’m sure they could talk it out if he initiated but it wouldn’t be as fruitful and allow her time to think on the situation as a whole. Do you think the silent approach is good or? If he tries to initiate a deep conversation she sort of rejects it like ughh sigh type vibe.

Edit: Second question. How do you deal with someone completely glossing over important questions as if they don’t exist? And carries in with some random topic.

His response was if he could be poly with her he thinks it would work out where his sex drive being high and hers really low that he could get his needs filled and she’s very quiet and shy that he needs more social interaction the scale could balance out and they can still have love and enjoy one another when they both want to on each their own time. They are monogamous. She would definitely have an issue with that.

As far as the toxic aspect he said he does think it’s sort of toxic to want her to change but he feels her being so severely dreoessed and anxious it’s for the better. Not to turn her into someone else but to re-ignite her life and enjoyment again. He wants to be less harsh about it on a day to day basis but told me she won’t do anything if he doesn’t stay on about it until it’s done. To me that seems uhh understanding and also messed up like she needs to learn adulting for herself. I hadn’t previously had that info that he was sort of always pushing her daily. He had just told me he could ask a a question or a few and she wouldn’t even respond as if she thought about it but from his view it didn’t exist. Kind of wild to think about from my view.

Personally I don’t think she will change. He wants to fall back cease contact as much a possible for a week or a month and just give her space to see what comes of it all.

Its always been sort of like this even as a teen but after college friends kind of parted ways and everyone’s lives took off that it’s really only them her hobbies got left behind and all the work realization of a lifetime of 40 hour week dynamic just crashed her further.

He thinks it’s depression/anxiety a lot too and she took therapy that she said helped to vent and just talk outside of them but she’s almost just shutdown sort of. To me it’s like she’s maxed out internally and auto pilot is running on fumes. So she sleeps excessive after work and that’s about it.

This seems like it’s mapping. They both agree there’s this issue of equality in the relationship but perhaps they just aren’t a true fit like they thought. Maybe all good things come to an end. I didn’t want to jump to saying this because I don’t want to be that guy.

He just responded that he is trying to pull back a little and see how she responds they haven’t talked since yesterday even though she sent him a message today about an errand she wanted him to do. He wants to fall back but is so emotionally attached that it’s hard not to go back and just keep eating the problem until burn out again. U guess torn you could say. Love is a wild emotion is all I have to say.

Do you think he should go totally dark on contact until she comes around to wanting to talk or how should he approach? To me it seems like he’s a bit overly hopeful or sees the good in people too much. Which is why I struggled to offer help and advice.

I know and it’s so disheartening that is why I don’t know what to tell him other than it’s heart breaking ending love but I kind of think it might be the best bet. They currently haven’t spoke today since an argument last night. She wanted to use him to complete an a long errand and he refused until they have a couple day to relax and reset. She got mad and he thought it best to go silent until she figures out her end. It almost seems like she will apologize but it’s manipulative because she will go back to the same pattern he said.

She agrees it’s wildly imbalanced and wants to change/ feels horrible and she told him he deserves better. He said she tries hard for a day or two then drops the ball and returns to old ways.

Yea. I wanted a whole back scene of a Roman clashing Armageddon scene on my back with my spine being the rock that both armies meet. With the giant banners good and evil had displaying quotes on my shoulder blades.

Shitty tattoo artist gave me the first quote on my shoulder blade it came out looking like a prison tattoo after it healed. Never went back and abandoned the idea because the artist had killer photos in their portfolio but their ink to skin work after healing was rough. I’m guessing he took the photos fresh. Fucker.