I dare you, I double dare you, say “the Senate” one more time!

Blue saber is just the saber of equality 😌

Second row, middle: fart knife

Sammy J not being allowed to say motherfucker in star wars must have been painful for him. I know it was painful for me.

I’ve had a scene for a horror novel bumping about in my head for a while:

Guy breaks into a house late at night, wearing a mask but unarmed, goes to the kitchen to grab a kitchen knife with which to subdue the elderly couple living there (he knows because he’s cased the place).

He’s surprised by the elderly woman who’s suffering from insomnia, but he’s closer to the knife block, so he has the upper hand, and he grabs the closest knife on the block.

Woman: After a brief moment of initial shock, she lifts her kettle from the burner. ‘Are you planning to kill me with a paring knife?‘.

The startled home invader looks at his knife, sets it down, and grabs a larger knife.

Woman: ‘That’s a bread knife.’ She pours her tea. ‘Would you like to try again? Look for one that’s not serrated.’

Guy drops the bread knife, tentatively lifting knives from the block.

Woman: ‘Vegetable knife, poor choice. Keep going. Fish knife, okay, but not the best. How would you like to kill me? Are we talking stabbing or chopping? It makes a difference.’

The scene goes on from there.

Is that Bantha ham processed? If it’s processed I don’t want it

Ma’am, that is an eleven pound whole slab of Bantha ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several fearful banthas, emulsified, liquefied in rage, Kessel runned, strained, Droid lasered and ultimately inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk full of suffering.

The force had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that the Jedi are either impotent to alter the universe as the force wills it, or ignorant to the horrors taking place through the Galaxy.

This prism of Bantha is more than deli Bantha meat. It is a physical declaration of sentients all around contempt for the natural order and their craving for the dark side. It is hubris manifest.

We also have a low midi-chlorian variety if you would prefer that.

Pizzas are cut with scissors… There no comparison, even the shitty pizza slicer will make a mess.

Where’s the poop knife?

If Jango was a motherfucker then he wouldn’t have needed to clone himself.

I once got my blue and purple lightsabers mixed up and accidentally struck them all down not just the men but the woman and children and motherfuckers too.

Most of these knives are silly, A chef’s knife will do 99% of all cutting, chopping and slicing tasks in a kitchen. I would go as far as to say that knife sets are a scam.